By: Patricia Francis Good     

You might wonder what friendship, Mexican chalupas and key
lime pie have in common. Well, the answer is my friend, Jane
Marie Young. Occasionally, we cook lunch for each other in
our homes. Recently, when Jane Marie came to my house, I
served chalupas and key lime pie, which unbeknownst to me,
were her favorites. We have a history of sharing a friendship
with food for a long time!

Jane Marie and I worked together in hospice, years ago. She
was the Bereavement Director and I was the Development
Director at a small hospice in the beautiful Texas hill country.
Jane Marie is undoubtedly, one of the most advanced souls I
have ever met in this life. I consider it an honor to have worked
side by side with her and to share a lifelong friendship.
One day at Hope Hospice, we considered the fact that all of
the departments had “retreats” but one…the CNAs (Certified
Nursing Assistants). As we talked, we agreed that these staff
members were the ones that spent the most time with the
patients and their families and probably needed a “retreat”
more than everybody else! Together, we offered to take the
CNAs on retreat and the Executive Director agreed to our
plan. He had a stunning property out in the country with a
swimming pool and party house. So, on a hot, Texas summer
day, we took them on retreat.

Jane Marie and I carefully planned out the day’s activities,
shinning the light on their accomplishments, struggles, and
challenges in a way that was fun and entertaining. We asked
them to bring their bathing suits. Sitting in and around the
pool, we asked the CNAs to share with us their “worst day” on
the job. And boy did they!

Each of them had a story or two to tell, and if Jane Marie & I
said “OMG” once, we said it a 100 times!! Often, we admitted
to them that we couldn’t do what they had done. They thought
that was pretty funny and continued to shock us with their
stories. We laughed together and we cried together! Some of
them admitted that they couldn’t share these stories with their
families or friends because nobody wanted to hear them … but
Jane Marie & I did! We had prepared a delicious lunch and
after everyone was finished, we began giving out awards.
These were not your typical awards. Oh, no. We had done
our research and found out from their supervisors their
expertise in a variety of “not so fun” tasks! Everybody had a
task they did better than most, so they all got awards that day,
along with our enormous gratitude and high praise for what
they did for our dying patients and their families.

The next day at work, those awards were spotted on their
desks or on their lockers or wherever everybody could see
them! The other departments heard about the success we had
with our retreat, and wanted to know if Jane Marie & I would
do the same for them … but we never did. What we gave to
the lowest ranking members of our staff was to feel extra-
special! As we listened to their stories, our respect &
appreciation grew for the hard work and difficult tasks they
performed for our patients every single day. It wasn’t just the
retreat that was special & unique … it was them!
Some of the qualities I love most about Jane Marie is her
listening skills and how she guides people to say their “hard”
truths. To this day, Jane Marie’s gifts amaze me as she
continues to listen and guide me, sharing her talents.
Jane Marie & I have had our share of ups and downs in our
lives, but we never fail to find the humor in our journey! The
funniest is our own “prat” falls that seem to find us when we
think we are doing so well! One example of that is how I left
the hospice where we worked.

Our hospice had a new Executive Director who thought it was
time to downsize our staff. He had told all the management
staff that this was his intention and to get ready for the day he
would be executing his Plan. We knew that the management
team had to stand ready on that day, particularly Jane Marie
(who was an expert in handling “grief”) to help our fellow staff
members leaving us that day. Also, since my office was next
door to the Executive Director, I had planned to be ready for
those who wanted someone to put their arms around them
and comfort them with words of encouragement.

And so, the day came….

When he called me into his office and gave me his speech, I
assumed he was asking me to critique it to see if it sounded
alright before he started firing people.
I listened and then offered my approval. He then said, “Pat, I
don’t think you understand. I’m letting YOU go!” It took me a
minute to digest that information. Here comes my “prat” fall:
I said, “What, you’re talking to ME?”
Not once had I ever considered that my name would be on
that list! Ha! How clueless was I? But the truth was revealed …
I was to be the first to go. He explained that he had to
downsize every department. So, I was the member of the
management team that had to go.

After realizing what this moment really meant, I asked him for
two favors:

• One – I knew each laid off staff member would be
  escorted out, with their belongings, immediately
  following their meeting with him. I asked if I could come
  back for my things. He agreed and said that was
  perfect because he didn’t want anybody to know that I
  had been fired, and thought it would be best if I just
  picked up my purse and left for lunch, without anyone
  knowing that I had been laid off.

• The second favor was about Jane Marie. I knew that
  Jane Marie was going to play a very important roll that
  day for the staff being laid off. If she knew I had been
  terminated, she would have the added burden of
  dealing with her own feelings about losing her friend. I
  asked him not to tell her until the end of the day.

Many times since then Jane Marie & I have laughed (about my
response) and cried about our fellow workers who were
devastated that day.

We laugh a lot when we’re together. Both of us are on spiritual
journeys that we respect in each other, and support. We are
definitely aware that life is a roller coaster (ready or not!). We
both know we are not in charge of our lives … but trust that the
One Who Is knows exactly the path drawn up for each of us!
So we make mistakes, we fall down, we struggle, we laugh at
ourselves and we get back up, dust ourselves off, and try to do
the loving thing one more time.

Also, we enjoy the moments of complete exhilaration,
thoughtful deep discussions, meditations, laughter, and
uncompromising love. We look at life as a place to learn our
lessons, find peace within ourselves and enjoy the ride …
laughing when possible, crying when necessary, and eating
chalupus and key lime pie, as often as possible, in the honest
company of a good friend.

My friend, Jane Marie Young vacationing with us.

Saint John, U.S. Virgin Islands

Frozen Key Lime Pie

Level: Easy Prep: 10 min Yield: 1 (9-inch pie); 6 servings

Freezing: At least 30 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

1 (8-ounce) container nondairy whipped topping, thawed slightly

1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk

3/4 cup fresh lime juice 1

9-inch prepared graham cracker pie crust

2 Tablespoons of freshly grated lime zest, in batter & for sprinkling

Directions:

1. In a medium bowl, whisk together the whipped topping, condensed

milk, lime juice & 1 Tablespoon of freshly grated lime zest until smooth.

2. Spoon the mixture into graham cracker crust and smooth the surface

with a spatula.

3. Set in the freezer until firm, at least for 30 minutes. Sprinkle lime zest &

sugar over the top before serving

INSPIRATION:

TO LISTEN IS TO LEAN IN, SOFTLY, WITH A

WILLINGNESS TO BE CHANGED BY WHAT WE HEAR

–Mark Nepo